Wednesday, May 15, 2013


I think the word Lonely is an understatement for how I feel right now.  I feel like my little family is ALL alone in the whole state of Connecticut, and it is making me second guess everything that once seemed so clear!  I thought I heard God say "Go!" and it was completely confirmed to me when Eric heard that same word!  So why now, only 7 months into this endeavor that we both felt Christ leading us on, am I feeling so alone?  I miss everyone.  I said the other day that I was even missing people that I rarely hung out with.  I want somewhere to go when things get too overwhelming at the house!  I want to be able to call someone up and see if they wanna go to the store with me.  I want to go barge in at my mom and dad's house whenever I darn well please.. and stay as long as I like (even if NO ONE is home!)  I want to be able to cry to my daddy when things get to tough and I just want PEOPLE!  I don't know if I'm cut out for this!  It might just be TOOO hard!  Am I allowed to fail?  I just want to go HOME!  My heart hurts so bad!

Lord, I don't know why I feel the way I do!  I don't know if we made a HUGE mistake by us packing up our entire family and moving away from everyone and everything we've ever known.  I don't know if I will be able to "make it"  here.  It was never my intention to come and stay for a year and leave, but I just don't know if I can make it much longer.  So reveal to me a little bit of the plan here.  Whether the truth is that we just did our own thing while thinking we were fallowing hard after you, or whether this is just a HUGE attack from satan to try to deter us from the plans that you have laid out for our lives.  I don't want to give up just because the going is getting tough, but I don't want to keep going just because I am scared of what people might think about us FAILING!  Father you are SO much bigger then this, and you can work things out for YOUR glory... so I am begging you, please give me something here!!
Your hurting and lost daughter ~Hi-D~

I just want to be clear that this is actually a post that I wrote a few months back, but I did NOT feel peace about publishing it for all to see at the time.  Since then my feelings have very much changed, but even still, I feel like God is telling me "now!" so I will be obedient no matter how hard it is to admit to having such feelings in the first place.  I have since felt complete and total peace about where God has placed me, and I am grateful to have pushed through some of the trials with Christs help.  I know that my journey is far from over, but if my God is for me, then who can be against me??  I will continue to walk by faith and not by sight!!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.


  1. One thing I have learned about uprooting and moving is that it takes a couple years to put down roots. When we moved to NH in 2005 I thought it was going to be great living by family in my hometown etc. But guess what? It was hard for awhile.. So I think it doesn't matter where you move it will take adjusting. Now that we live in WA again I told myself to give me time and it has been a bit easier. I haven't had to much of the loneliness, except now after losing my uncles.. Praying for continued peace for you!!

    1. I agree Amanda. This is the first time we have uprooted our family, and I must say that things get better with time. I still have my lonely moments, but I no longer feel consumed by them. Thank you for your encouragement.