Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I think the word Lonely is an understatement for how I feel right now. I feel like my little family is ALL alone in the whole state of Connecticut, and it is making me second guess everything that once seemed so clear! I thought I heard God say "Go!" and it was completely confirmed to me when Eric heard that same word! So why now, only 7 months into this endeavor that we both felt Christ leading us on, am I feeling so alone? I miss everyone. I said the other day that I was even missing people that I rarely hung out with. I want somewhere to go when things get too overwhelming at the house! I want to be able to call someone up and see if they wanna go to the store with me. I want to go barge in at my mom and dad's house whenever I darn well please.. and stay as long as I like (even if NO ONE is home!) I want to be able to cry to my daddy when things get to tough and I just want PEOPLE! I don't know if I'm cut out for this! It might just be TOOO hard! Am I allowed to fail? I just want to go HOME! My heart hurts so bad!
Lord, I don't know why I feel the way I do! I don't know if we made a HUGE mistake by us packing up our entire family and moving away from everyone and everything we've ever known. I don't know if I will be able to "make it" here. It was never my intention to come and stay for a year and leave, but I just don't know if I can make it much longer. So reveal to me a little bit of the plan here. Whether the truth is that we just did our own thing while thinking we were fallowing hard after you, or whether this is just a HUGE attack from satan to try to deter us from the plans that you have laid out for our lives. I don't want to give up just because the going is getting tough, but I don't want to keep going just because I am scared of what people might think about us FAILING! Father you are SO much bigger then this, and you can work things out for YOUR glory... so I am begging you, please give me something here!!
Your hurting and lost daughter ~Hi-D~
I just want to be clear that this is actually a post that I wrote a few months back, but I did NOT feel peace about publishing it for all to see at the time. Since then my feelings have very much changed, but even still, I feel like God is telling me "now!" so I will be obedient no matter how hard it is to admit to having such feelings in the first place. I have since felt complete and total peace about where God has placed me, and I am grateful to have pushed through some of the trials with Christs help. I know that my journey is far from over, but if my God is for me, then who can be against me?? I will continue to walk by faith and not by sight!!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.