I'm Sorry, We Ran Away!

About a year and a half ago I wrote a blog about being lonely in CT.  In that blog I talked about feeling all alone, and wondering why God would send us to CT, only for us to feel utterly hopeless. By the time I posted the blog, I had pushed through a lot of those feelings and was starting to really feel like we were going to be okay.  Then, we came "home" (to SC) for a visit.  During that visit, the homesick feeling came back with a vengeance.  I never wanted to come home so badly as I did after that vacation.  I thought that once we got home from vacation, and settled back into reality, those feelings would go away... but they didn't.  I felt so alone.. and the only thing I thought about was going back to SC.  So, I told Eric that I wanted to leave.  I just blurted it out one day.  With tears in my eyes, I said to him "I want to go home."  I never saw a man jump on a bandwagon so quickly.  I told him I wanted to go home on Wednesday, and early Monday morning I was on the road.  Part of me was relieved and happy, and part of me wondered if what we were doing was right.  When we decided to move to Connecticut, the one thing I remember is that even though it was scary, I never questioned if what we were doing was right, and neither did Eric.  Even in the midst of all the hardship and struggles while we were living there, I always knew that we were where God wanted us to be.  But, when I said I wanted to go home... deep deep down, I knew that what we were doing was for us.. and honestly, I didn't ask God... because I didn't want to hear the answer.  I knew the answer.  The answer was "no" but I wasn't willing to listen.  In many ways, coming home was harder then feeling homesick.  For probably the first time in my life, I had deliberately disobeyed God, and that was truly a feeling of hopelessness.  I started to really question where I stood with the Lord.  I was deeply sorry for running away, and I wanted to somehow make it right, but I didn't know how.  I knew that I was not willing to go back, and so how could I truly repent?  It felt like I would just be saying "I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you, but I'm still not willing to listen to you."  But through that hopelessness, God worked.  For the first time in my life, I deeply realized my need for God's grace.  God revealed Himself to me in a way that I had not known Him before. Before, I "knew" that God was gracious, but I didn't "know" God's graciousness.  And so started my journey of repentance, forgiveness and learning to love myself again.  I was at probably my lowest point in my life, and God used those moments to mold me and mend me.  Things are still not perfect, but I know that Gods' plan for my life is good.  God knew that we would "go" when He said "go" and He knew we would run when he said "no!"  But he did not leave me.  He did not turn His back on me even in my disobedience.  He is the same, yesterday, today and forever, and for that I am ever thankful.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

2 Duet 31:8
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave your, nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.

Daddy's Girl

For those of you who may not know this, I am the worlds biggest Daddy's girl!  I still,(at 28) sit on my dads lap... Every chance I get, I squeeze my big ol' booty in between my mom and dad... I pull down my hair so he can play with it.. and kiss my dad smack dab on the lips.  My dad is my hero, and he always will be. 

Now that I am a mom, I can see how special that relationship really is.  I see it with my little girls and their daddy.  My sweet Hubby is the best Dad I have ever seen.  He is, by far, one of the most 'hands on' dads around.  And it is not because I make him.  Its because he really want's to be.  He loves being a dad.  And my kids LOVE having him for one.  

I truly believe that a HUGE part of the reason that I chose Eric to be my husband, is because I had my dad as an awesome example of what I would want in my hubby.  I didn't even know it at the time, but I can see it now. 

Oh Daddy's your job is SOOO important.  And I am not talking about when you get up each morning and head off to work.  I am talking about the job of being a Dad.  You are the standard by which your sons measure themselves, and by which you're daughters measure their worth.  How you train your young boys up,will make an everlasting impact in how they treat women.  And how you love you're daughters (and their mom) will make an everlasting impact in whether or not they will compromise when it comes to a man.  

I am beyond grateful that God saw fit to give me the Dad that he did.  And I am so thankful that he put Eric in my life so that we can raise up our children in the way that they should go.  

(Babe, I know that sometimes you are extra super hard on yourself, but I want you to know how I think you are doing as a Daddy... You ROCK!  You are the Best!  You amaze me!) 

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he shall not depart from it. 

(Daddy Daughter Date with my awesome sisters)

(Daddy Daughter Dance: My hubby and our two precious girls)

Love Legacy

If you could pick one word that you would hope people would use to describe you, what would that be? 
That is the question I was asked, by the very nice man on the other end of the radio, tonight.  When that question came out of his mouth, INSTANTLY, I thought LOVE.  There was not even the slightest question in my mind that I would want to be known as the girl who LOVED.  
Loved God, Loved Family, Loved People, Loved Life.  Just Loved!  And it's no wonder, since that is exactly what the bible calls us to do. But, if I had to guess,that would probably NOT be the first word people would use to describe me.  
Maybe LOUD? (Yeah, definitely LOUD!)  Perhaps impatient? Certainly a little Cray Cray! (Yes, I'm 28 years old, and I pulled out the "Cray Cray" card.)  My kids would probably use the word "yell".. or maybe that would be my hubby. Although if it was my hubby it would probably be attached to the words "Could you PLEASE try not to _____ so much!"... which of course would only make me yell all the more. Some might even use the word Rebellious. Yup, I know it's hard to believe, but I have been accused of such a thing.
And, I am all of those things.  Probably much more so then I am loving.  But, that is not my heart beat, Love is.  LOVE GOD, LOVE PEOPLE.  That is what this life is all about.  Time and time again I have asked the question... "What am I doing here?  As a Christian, what is my role in this world?" LOVE.  That is the answer.  It was the answer when I first asked the question, and it's still the answer. All to often, I let my life get bogged down with everything going on around me, and I forget.  I forget that I have a mission.  I forget that I was chosen.  I forget to not waste these precious moments that God has allowed me.  And I forget to LOVE.  
If I could leave a LOVE LEGACY everywhere I went, that would be enough for me. What's your word?

Luke 10:27
He answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and Love your neighbor as yourself."

1 Corinthians 13:13
And now, these three remain;  Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is LOVE.