#Stay Motivated #Live Healthy #Give God the Glory!

Okay, so when I started this blog, I promised to be transparent and share the good, the bad and the ugly... Well this is a little bit of the ugly!!

I have struggled with my weight since high school.  No, I was totally and completely out of control, but I certainly was never happy with my weight, and always wished to be 10, 15 and/or 20 lbs lighter at about all times.  When I was a junior I started to pack on the pounds and by the end of my senior year I had jumped from about 150 lbs to almost 200 lbs.  When I got married, I decided that I had finally had enough, and I started to live a healthy lifestyle.  I lost 35 lbs and was back into my 170's.  It felt GREAT! :)  and then... Prego girl came along and all Hell broke loose!!  3 babies later and 50 lbs heavier = not very pleased!!

I have been trying to lose weight without telling many people for a long time, because by golly what if I fail, and then everyone will know!!   But not only has it kept everyone from knowing that I am failing, it has also kept me from the encouragement that I might need in order to be able to succeed!  On top of that, I am only giving myself every excuse to be able to quit!!  That's dumb!!  So, I'm sick of it!!  I want to lose some weight!  There you have it.  And if I'm not losing weight, then I am failing!!  Ta Da!!  This is me!  It just happens to be one of my ugly sides!!

I know this much, I don't know very many ladies who don't want to shed even just a few pounds.  Here's the deal tho, how come??  Is it because we want to be healthy in every area of our lives?? Or is is because we have this idea of what every woman should look like, and we just don't fit into that mold??  It would be a lie if I told you that I don't have any of those thoughts.  Actually lets get real, Most of the reason I want to lose weight is because I don't feel pretty!  I know that's sad, but maybe if I can admit it, I can overcome it!!

Father, Help me to remember that my worth is not in this world, but rather it is in YOU!! Help me to want to lose weight so that I can be the best me, healthy in all areas of my life, instead of feeling insure and ugly!!  You are bigger then me and my issues and you can help me to overcome!!  Lord, I want to be able to celebrate the little victories, and to give You all the glory through my weight loss process.  And when I fail, because I will fail, help me to give it back to you and move forward!
Seeking You, ~ Hi-D~
 Romans 5:3-5
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Lonely!

I think the word Lonely is an understatement for how I feel right now.  I feel like my little family is ALL alone in the whole state of Connecticut, and it is making me second guess everything that once seemed so clear!  I thought I heard God say "Go!" and it was completely confirmed to me when Eric heard that same word!  So why now, only 7 months into this endeavor that we both felt Christ leading us on, am I feeling so alone?  I miss everyone.  I said the other day that I was even missing people that I rarely hung out with.  I want somewhere to go when things get too overwhelming at the house!  I want to be able to call someone up and see if they wanna go to the store with me.  I want to go barge in at my mom and dad's house whenever I darn well please.. and stay as long as I like (even if NO ONE is home!)  I want to be able to cry to my daddy when things get to tough and I just want PEOPLE!  I don't know if I'm cut out for this!  It might just be TOOO hard!  Am I allowed to fail?  I just want to go HOME!  My heart hurts so bad!

Lord, I don't know why I feel the way I do!  I don't know if we made a HUGE mistake by us packing up our entire family and moving away from everyone and everything we've ever known.  I don't know if I will be able to "make it"  here.  It was never my intention to come and stay for a year and leave, but I just don't know if I can make it much longer.  So reveal to me a little bit of the plan here.  Whether the truth is that we just did our own thing while thinking we were fallowing hard after you, or whether this is just a HUGE attack from satan to try to deter us from the plans that you have laid out for our lives.  I don't want to give up just because the going is getting tough, but I don't want to keep going just because I am scared of what people might think about us FAILING!  Father you are SO much bigger then this, and you can work things out for YOUR glory... so I am begging you, please give me something here!!
Your hurting and lost daughter ~Hi-D~

I just want to be clear that this is actually a post that I wrote a few months back, but I did NOT feel peace about publishing it for all to see at the time.  Since then my feelings have very much changed, but even still, I feel like God is telling me "now!" so I will be obedient no matter how hard it is to admit to having such feelings in the first place.  I have since felt complete and total peace about where God has placed me, and I am grateful to have pushed through some of the trials with Christs help.  I know that my journey is far from over, but if my God is for me, then who can be against me??  I will continue to walk by faith and not by sight!!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.