#Stay Motivated #Live Healthy #Give God the Glory!

Okay, so when I started this blog, I promised to be transparent and share the good, the bad and the ugly... Well this is a little bit of the ugly!!

I have struggled with my weight since high school.  No, I was totally and completely out of control, but I certainly was never happy with my weight, and always wished to be 10, 15 and/or 20 lbs lighter at about all times.  When I was a junior I started to pack on the pounds and by the end of my senior year I had jumped from about 150 lbs to almost 200 lbs.  When I got married, I decided that I had finally had enough, and I started to live a healthy lifestyle.  I lost 35 lbs and was back into my 170's.  It felt GREAT! :)  and then... Prego girl came along and all Hell broke loose!!  3 babies later and 50 lbs heavier = not very pleased!!

I have been trying to lose weight without telling many people for a long time, because by golly what if I fail, and then everyone will know!!   But not only has it kept everyone from knowing that I am failing, it has also kept me from the encouragement that I might need in order to be able to succeed!  On top of that, I am only giving myself every excuse to be able to quit!!  That's dumb!!  So, I'm sick of it!!  I want to lose some weight!  There you have it.  And if I'm not losing weight, then I am failing!!  Ta Da!!  This is me!  It just happens to be one of my ugly sides!!

I know this much, I don't know very many ladies who don't want to shed even just a few pounds.  Here's the deal tho, how come??  Is it because we want to be healthy in every area of our lives?? Or is is because we have this idea of what every woman should look like, and we just don't fit into that mold??  It would be a lie if I told you that I don't have any of those thoughts.  Actually lets get real, Most of the reason I want to lose weight is because I don't feel pretty!  I know that's sad, but maybe if I can admit it, I can overcome it!!

Father, Help me to remember that my worth is not in this world, but rather it is in YOU!! Help me to want to lose weight so that I can be the best me, healthy in all areas of my life, instead of feeling insure and ugly!!  You are bigger then me and my issues and you can help me to overcome!!  Lord, I want to be able to celebrate the little victories, and to give You all the glory through my weight loss process.  And when I fail, because I will fail, help me to give it back to you and move forward!
Seeking You, ~ Hi-D~
 Romans 5:3-5
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Lonely!

I think the word Lonely is an understatement for how I feel right now.  I feel like my little family is ALL alone in the whole state of Connecticut, and it is making me second guess everything that once seemed so clear!  I thought I heard God say "Go!" and it was completely confirmed to me when Eric heard that same word!  So why now, only 7 months into this endeavor that we both felt Christ leading us on, am I feeling so alone?  I miss everyone.  I said the other day that I was even missing people that I rarely hung out with.  I want somewhere to go when things get too overwhelming at the house!  I want to be able to call someone up and see if they wanna go to the store with me.  I want to go barge in at my mom and dad's house whenever I darn well please.. and stay as long as I like (even if NO ONE is home!)  I want to be able to cry to my daddy when things get to tough and I just want PEOPLE!  I don't know if I'm cut out for this!  It might just be TOOO hard!  Am I allowed to fail?  I just want to go HOME!  My heart hurts so bad!

Lord, I don't know why I feel the way I do!  I don't know if we made a HUGE mistake by us packing up our entire family and moving away from everyone and everything we've ever known.  I don't know if I will be able to "make it"  here.  It was never my intention to come and stay for a year and leave, but I just don't know if I can make it much longer.  So reveal to me a little bit of the plan here.  Whether the truth is that we just did our own thing while thinking we were fallowing hard after you, or whether this is just a HUGE attack from satan to try to deter us from the plans that you have laid out for our lives.  I don't want to give up just because the going is getting tough, but I don't want to keep going just because I am scared of what people might think about us FAILING!  Father you are SO much bigger then this, and you can work things out for YOUR glory... so I am begging you, please give me something here!!
Your hurting and lost daughter ~Hi-D~

I just want to be clear that this is actually a post that I wrote a few months back, but I did NOT feel peace about publishing it for all to see at the time.  Since then my feelings have very much changed, but even still, I feel like God is telling me "now!" so I will be obedient no matter how hard it is to admit to having such feelings in the first place.  I have since felt complete and total peace about where God has placed me, and I am grateful to have pushed through some of the trials with Christs help.  I know that my journey is far from over, but if my God is for me, then who can be against me??  I will continue to walk by faith and not by sight!!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight.

God's Big, Im Little

One thing I have discovered is that everything sounds better in my head then it does once it makes it's way out!!  I have all these thoughts, that at the time, seem absolutely amazing!!  And then when I'm ready to get them all out, NADA! (example: this blog was going to be an amazing story of renewing your light for Christ, but I pretty much sucked that one up).  It can be frustrating because as a prideful, insecure and often times begging for approval kinda person..I definitely want MY words to come out beautifully!!
I am starting to discover that perhaps that is the point.  That YOUR words come out just as lowly and terrible as they are, so that when something amazing or lovely or humble does make it's way onto your paper, you'll be able to say... "Where did that come from, because it was definitely NOT me?!"

Some of the most amazing times in my life are when I CANNOT explain how or why something happens.  I just sit back in awe and think to myself how cool MY GOD really is.  He can take broken relationships and mend them back together stronger and tighter then they ever were to begin with.  He can heal hearts that the pain is so deep and dark that it seems untouchable by the light of day ever again!  He can take scared and timid Christians and give them a boldness that they could never possess on their own! He can renew your mind, He can strengthen your faith and He has paid the ultimate price so that YOU can be saved!  He is amazing, so I don't have to have the perfect words to display that!!  He is enough!!  I cannot add to, or take away from the GREATNESS of my God!!

So trust Him, and He will fill you with a peace that is WAY beyond our understanding!  Believe in His Word and He will reveal the way that you should go!!  And get down right BOLD about the gift that you've been given.  Because no matter how lowly or pitiful your story may be, God can use it in a MIGHTY WAY!!

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" Hebrew 13:8
Trusting Him ~Hi-D~

"Be Still"

Well, A while back I was trying to post a blog from my phone and I couldn't get it to work, so I just posted it as my facebook status... but I now have a computer and so I would like to put it in "blog form" like I initially intended!!  Hope ya'll enjoy.

Have you ever wondered why the Bible says "be still and know that I am God"? That's what I've been wondering today.. I mean why doesn't it just say "know that I am God"? What's the point of the "be still" part? Well, I'm no scholar and I haven't done any fancy research on it, But the easiest way for me to understand it is by comparing it to parenthood. Okay parents, you all know what I'm about to say, I'm sure! 

Alright so say I'm a child (huge stretch I know) and I'm bee- boppin around my dad (God) and you know I'm talking extra loud (like right over him) doing a little dance (banging all up into him) and He's trying to get my attention but I'm too engrossed in making sure that nobody misses the next amazing thing that I might do. So he gets down on his knees(at my eye level) and takes me by the shoulders (so I can see straight into His eyes) and He says " child be still! Stop bouncing off the walls and listen to what I'm telling you.. because I'm your Father and I love you very much!!" That's the kind of God I serve!! He's not screaming at me telling me to "knock it off" like I most the time do when my kids are going crazy! No instead He gently ushers me back to place a calm and sure!
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalms 46:10
So when life feels out of control and you're at a place of utter chaos- Listen to His gentle nudge and be still and know that He is God!

~Hi-D~

The Good, Bad and the Ugly. God is still God and He is Good!

Well I'm not even entirely sure what I want to write about, but I do know that I am in desperate need of some spiritual unpacking, so I'm just gonna type, and see what evolves.

So, for those of you who don't know, Eric and I stepped out in faith on a journey that only God knows where will lead. The one thing we did know, is that it was to begin by being a part of Lifesong Church in Manchester Ct. & considering the only life we've ever known has been in SC, we had a little ways to go. So, we sold our house (to my brother and sister-in-law, how cool is that??) and packed everything we owned(including two puppies and a cat), and headed out. Let me just tell you now that “stepping out in faith” is not a simple calling.

But, none-the-less, we are here!! Praise the Lord, we are actually here!! What does that look like?? Well I’m not entirely sure. Right this minute it looks like a family of five, with three four-legged pets, and a fish named male, snugly tucked into a studio six extended stay motel room..ever so ”patiently” waiting for our next step. But you wanna know what the coolest part of this story is?? That it doesn't matter where we're living!! It doesn't matter that Eric is not gainfully employed as of yet, or that we can only see a very very small portion of the jigsaw puzzle of our life. What does matter is that God is still God through it all, and that He is at work here!!

In the, just over two weeks, that we've been here... we have met several people who seem anxious to make connections with others. We have had the opportunity to share bits of our story with these cool people, and have seen their eye's light up at the news of Lifesong Manchester & we are seeing ways to begin to invest in their lives. We have seen our, sweet 5 year old girl, draw people of all ages in with a spirit of love like no other. We have & continue to experience great leadership through our pastor Tim, & I have had the opportunity to see what a Godly wife looks like in Lynn.

This crazy, beautiful expedition so far has been good, bad, ugly, great, painful, amazing, tearful, joyful, trying, overwhelming, mountain-top high, valley low, patient-testing, fast, slow, up and down and about every other adjective that you can think of. But God is still God and He is GOOD, and that's enough for me!

FEAR NOT!

Okay, so for the past few nights.. when the busyness of the day starts to die down & things begin to get quiet... this "spirit of fear" begins to creep in.  I don't even know what I feel scared about.  Perhaps the unknown, or just feeling like I'm going to be lonely.. but I don't even really know.   It's a really scary feeling to have tho... which is kinda stupid because now I'm having a "scary feeling" because of my feelings of fear!! So, I started to pray, and ask God to take these feelings from me.. and you want to know the really cool thing... God knows our humanness well enough to know that we need A LOT of reminders to "fear not"!!  So here are a few scriptures that have began to give me peace from an overwhelming fear:  

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."  Psalms 18:2 (Jesus, you are my ROCK!!  I will put my trust in YOU)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9  (I love this one because I need to be reminded REGULARLY to be courageous in Jesus!)

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7 (I love that God is big enough to have a peace that is WAY beyond the grasp of our tinsy tiny understanding)

"But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.”  Mark 5:36 ( That is SOOoo what I need to hear from Jesus sometimes)

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isiah 41:10  ( FEAR NOT!!!)

Wow, I am just amazed by the greatness of the God that I serve.  I don't think I can even start to grasp how much He loves me.  He gave me salvation, He gave me the Comforter, and He gave me His word to grow stronger and more confident in HIM!!  He knows my struggles, He knows my FEARS, and He truly CARES about each and every one of them.  HE IS MY ROCK, HE IS MY GOD,  IN HIM, I WILL PUT MY TRUST, AND IT'S IN HIM THAT I WILL FEAR NOT!!

Loving The Unlovable

Well the truth is that loving the unlovable is about as hard as it sounds.  So, here are a few things that I've learned to do to help me in this area.
Number 1)  Separate the Sinner from the sin.  In other words, take whatever that person is doing,(or saying) to make them seem so unlovable & put it under the "sin" category.  Then, take that person & put them under the "sinner" category.  Now, I bet you can find yourself under the "sinner" category too, hey??  I know I can!!
Number 2) Look at that person through the eyes of Jesus.  I have to do this a lot- I just say to God- "Okay Lord- You love "so&so" & your heart breaks for them when they are hurting.  Help me Lord, to change my heart to be more like yours.  Help me Jesus, to see "so&so" with new eyes so that I can love them like you love them!"
And last, but not least, Number 3)  Forgive and Forget.  I know what you're thinking... " I can't forget!!  I might be able to forgive, but I will NEVER forget!"  Well, that hasn't been the case for me.  The truth is that when I truly forgive someone, I can't remember every little mean thing they said or did to me.  I know, because I've tried!!  & probably the reason why is because I'm not sitting & dwelling on them.  When I truly forgive, I let it go & trust that God got it!  Forgiveness is just as much for us as it is for the person who hurt us... If not more!!  You cannot heal from the hurts, if you cannot forgive the "hurter".
So, whenever you feel like someone is just to tough to love, remember these three things!  They've certainly helped me in the past, & I'm sure I'll need them again..

-With love in Christ-  ~Hi-D~


Luke 6:35-36 - "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."